In today’s FC Youth class I noticed some students getting angry and jealous with each other. These are interesting emotions that both kids and quite frankly adults don’t truly understand. I would like to discuss my experiences with these in more detail so that you can better recognize the signs and understand the conditions associated with both emotions.

Lets start with the definitions:

Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. Jealousy is a familiar experience in human relationships. It has been observed in infants five months old and older.

Anger is an emotion. The physical effects of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenalin. Some view anger as part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of harm. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically when a person makes the conscious choice to take action to immediately stop the threatening behavior of another outside force. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences.

What causes these emotions to surface?

Let me explain…

In all of us we have two mental self images that reflect our thoughts about who we are in this world. One is a Hidden ‘Negative’ self Image and the other Projected ‘Positive’ self Image.

The hidden ‘negative’ self image is formed by all the stories in someone’s mind about failure or “not being good enough” and “unlovable”. The Projected ‘positive’ self image is formed by images of perfection. To be successful or “good enough” and “loveable”. These two opposite images cause lots of internal turmoil in kids and adults. I see it all the time at FightClub and in life.

All human beings want attention and the most familiar form is love. This comes originally from your mother and father as they raised you from a newborn. Parents hold a young child nurturing it with love and attention constantly to comfort it. If the parents don’t do this the baby will cry till the attention and loves does comes. This same scenario plays out as we get older we just have more experiences to draw upon. Let me repeat again, if love is given you feel ‘good enough’ if it’s not given you feel ‘not good enough’.

Lets say someone withholds attention (love) the hidden ‘negative’ self image comes to someone’s forethought conjuring up hurt, fear, pain and loneliness. The by-products of this reaction are jealousy and anger, two very powerful and destructive emotions.

Lets say someone gives attention (love), the Projected ‘positive’ self image comes to someone’s forethought conjuring up joy, confidence, and happiness. The by-product of this reaction is evident in all wonderful things known to human kind! If someone is truly loved unconditionally they do not feel jealousy or anger.

What does this mean for everyone?

At FightClub, as teachers give all students attention. It means love and will do wonderful things for learning. If you see the emotions of jealousy and anger appear in class immediately communicate (talk) to the students and try understanding.  The combination of attention and communication in most case will fix the problem.

In your own personal lives remember to communicate and give attention to the people you love. All the problems come when you don’t do those things. Fuel peoples projected ‘positive’ self image, not their hidden ‘negative’ self image. By doing so you will help them discover their true potential in life and respect and honor them as an individual.

Is there any greater thing you can do for someone?

With Respect and Honor,

Emmanuel Manolakakis