FC Youth News
SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE OVER-PARENTINGAugust 22, 2019
Over-parenting has been a hot topic lately. It’s a serious problem that is crippling an entire generation. Over-parenting is not good parenting, but it is often disguised as such. As a result, young adults enter college unable to cope with problems or stress, unable to interact with adults and overall are unprepared for adult life ahead.
If you want to have strong, successful, emotionally healthy kids, the worst thing you can do for them is be over involved in their lives, protecting them from every obstacle they may face. Are you over-parenting your child? Here are some signs that you might be:
Your child calls you with every problem he encounters
It is normal for your five-year-old to need you to help him with his problems. It is not normal, nor is it OK, for your 19-year-old to be calling you from college every day whenever an issue arises. If he is unable to problem solve on his own, this means he never had to do so when he was growing up. Don’t jump in and tackle every problem or issue your child faces, allow him to figure out how to solve problems on his own.
Your child can’t handle disappointment
No one enjoys disappointment. Not making the team or the school play is difficult for any child, but these things should not cause a complete meltdown. Resiliency is one of the strongest signs of good parenting. If your child has never practiced resiliency because you have done everything you can to protect her from disappointment, she will not be able to handle the inevitable adversity she will face in life.
Allow her to face pain and disappointment, at least every once in a while, so she can practice getting back up when she falls down.
Your child avoids hard work (and always looks for short-cuts)
If you are problem solved for your child and protected him from anything that could disappointment him, chances are he will expect life to be easy. Over-parenting produces unrealistic expectations in a child and doesn’t prepare them for the real world. When faced with the reality that he must work hard in life, he will look for a short-cut or a way out. If you catch your child trying to get out of a homework assignment or not wanting to practice his instrument for his next lesson, perhaps this is because he has been handed too many things in life and is in need of learning how to work hard.
You consistently do homework for your child or calling the teacher
If you often find yourself up late at night reading your child’s book for her book report due that week, you are most certainly over-parenting. Doing your child’s work for her will not do her any favours. What will she do when she’s away at college and doesn’t have you to help her anymore? What will she do in her first job when she has to give a presentation? If your child has procrastinated on her book report, allow her to learn this hard lesson: she will have to stay up all night to get the work done if she procrastinates.
You spend hours scouring the internet for the right foods, vitamins, preschool …
Parents, I know it is tempting to get caught up in the minor details of parenting. There are countless “experts” out there telling you how to parent your child and many of them claim it has more to do with feeding them organic food than it does loving them and spending time with them. Don’t fall prey to this. This is over-involvement in the details and not only is it a sign you are over-parenting; it will also make you crazy. Don’t fuss over every little detail of your child’s life. Focus on the big things, like loving him and spending time with them. The rest will fall into place.
All parents are doing the best they can. I understand this. I have two children of my own and I’ve been teaching hundreds for over 10 years at FightClub. It is tempting to over-parent or over-teach, but remember, the goal is to raise great kids. Just remember ….
“Don’t parent in a way that only protects them today; parent in a way that will prepare them for tomorrow”
See you all back on the mats in September,